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Had Too Much Space Cake? Amsterdam Tourist Doctor Comes To The Rescue

When doctor Van Ommeren is called during his night shifts, he must make a quick analysis. Does it sound urgent or can it wait a while? Then he cycles to the tourist’s residence, often in the centre of Amsterdam.

His medical service for international visitors has been around for three years now. After having worked in Australia for two years, Van Ommeren returned to the Netherlands and founded HotelDoc.

In a recent interview with newspaper Parool, Van Ommeren says that “a large part of the job consists of the classic cases for a general practitioner: stomach flu, airway complaints but also – what else – cannabis.”

Space cake is usually the culprit. According to the doctor, it is striking that it is often middle-aged people make the mistake of eating too much. “They want to try some but they’re not accustomed to much [of it’s effect]. They panic, get palpitations and think they’re dying. Yesterday I was with a patient who had eaten space cake and engulfed the entire bathroom in puke. It came up to the ceiling. It didn’t help that the partner also ate space cake and was also panicking, with one inflicting the other. The only thing I can do is reassure them. Then I do a few small tests, such as measuring blood pressure. It’s not medically necessary, but it helps to reduce the panic. I only leave when they are calmed down. Usually I say: tomorrow you will laugh about it.”

Journalist, who “couldn’t feel her face” after eating spacecake, thanks coffeeshop

British journalist Yomi Adegoke wrote an open letter to employees of an Amsterdam coffeeshop, saying she’s “eternally grateful to them” because they helped her when she “couldn’t feel her face” after eating spacecake.”

Adegoke was in Amsterdam for a panel discussion and wanted to try Amsterdam’s favourite edible, space cake. She first ate a quarter of the cake, felt nothing after an hour, and then ate another quarter.

After this she decided to participate in a city walk, but she soon felt very bad. “It was as if the world was slowly collapsing,” she writes in the letter, which was published by The Guardian. She was convinced that everyone wanted to make sure she would miss her flight – which would depart two hours later.

Adegoke managed to drag herself to the nearest coffeeshop and plop down on the couch to “die softly.” She cannot remember the name of the coffee shop.
“You did not laugh at me when I asked if I would ever feel my face again,” she writes. “You gave me a drink and assured me there was no conspiracy against me.” She is “forever grateful to the coffeeshop for all the water, the sweets, and how you managed to get me to the airport in a taxi.”
But most of all Adegoke wants to thank the employees for ‘’putting up with a smug tourist, who even though she has done it all before’’.

 

Full letter:

Dear cafe staff,
You sat with me for nearly an hour, as I became the world’s worst ad for anything weed-related in front of your irked customers. That weekend – I explained as you passed me the ninth glass of water – I had been booked for a panel discussion in Amsterdam, a stay I extended by three days to convert business into pleasure, a much-needed mini-break I intended to spend almost entirely baked. To facilitate this, I went to a place that did the “best space cakes in the city”; “best”, I soon realised, meaning “the ones most likely to make me think I dropped one of my ears on the high street when running from God”.

On my last day, with a fair amount in my bloodstream already, I ate a quarter of a space cake and felt a bit tired. An hour passed; still nothing but a mild case of the munchies. And, like a spoilt child in a moralising fairytale, I decided to sate my hunger with another quarter.

It was during a walking tour of the city that the world casually began to cave in. I glanced downwards and the floor was suddenly at the tip of my nose. I then suspected I was a mere millimetre away from everyone else in the group, and that my slightest movement would send the six-year-old near me flying across the square. Slowly, I began stepping back, attracting bemused looks. The jig was up. I wasn’t concerned that they would realise I was high as a kite on the face of the moon, but that now they were “out to get me”. My backwards walk became a backwards run. The skyline began to drip on to the pavement. I became convinced of a growing conspiracy to keep me stoned enough to miss my flight home, which was in two hours.

I managed to lug myself into another coffee shop – yours – to die quietly on your couch.

“Was it something we gave you?” one of you asked, touching my forehead. And though it wasn’t, you tended to me with the bedside manner of a paediatrician caring for a child with a broken arm. You rallied around me with water, assuring me there wasn’t a conspiracy and you definitely weren’t part of one. You weren’t fussed when I pointed out that that was exactly what someone would say if involved in a conspiracy. You handed me an orange, and comforted me when I tearfully realised I had forgotten how to peel one. You suppressed smirks as I asked if I would ever feel my face again. Dazed, I asked how long I’d been there. “I’d say about eight minutes,” one of you replied. At that, I actually began to cry.

Though I can’t recall your shop’s name for obvious reasons, to you all, I am eternally grateful: for the lakes-worth of water, for the non-stop sweets, for bundling me into a cab to the airport. But most of all, for putting up with a smug tourist, who even though she has done it all before, still manages to make an absolute tit of herself in Amsterdam.

Yomi

(photo: Metro)

Exhibition ‘Cannabis Cuisine’ at Hash Museum Amsterdam

Everyone knows you can eat cannabis. Space cake from Amsterdam coffeeshops is world-famous, but did you know life expectancy of residents in the Chinese town of Bama Yao is well above 100? Scientists believe the secret behind this long lifespan has something to do with their diet, which contains a lot of hemp seeds.

Although the cannabis sativa is mainly known for its flowers, which can be smoked, it is also proving to be a versatile source of nutrition. Nowadays, hemp seeds are available at any supermarket and in recent years, CBD oil has been on the rise as a nutritional supplement. In the exhibition Cannabis Cuisine (1 December 2017 – 25 February 2018), the Hash Marihuana & Hemp Museum in Amsterdam explores the history of cannabis in nutrition, lists the healthy qualities of hemp and follows the latest trends in high cuisine.

Address: Oudezijds Achterburgwal 130, Amsterdam

Budget Space-Cake

Amsterdam can be damn expensive, so for those wishing to get high on a budget we suggest homemade space cake.

Step 1: Do some research. If you have not tried smoking cannabis before, please do not dive straight into making your own space cake. Edibles purchased at a coffeeshop are made with a strict and precise dose, so for first timers we recommend space cake from a coffeeshop.

Step 2: Get some soft blond hash, or the least expensive ‘soft’ hash available, avoid black hash, it sticks to your teeth easily.

Step 3: Purchase your favorite muffin, brownie or even a chocolate bar for around 1 euro or less.

Step 4: Taking care, split the candy bar in half using a knife or your fingers, if possible.

Step 5: Sprinkle the hashish on half the candy bar. (Coffeeshops generally put 0.3 grams into space cakes, aim for a similar amount.

Step 6: Enjoy the journey, and please remember to keep something sweet on your person, in case you get too high and wish to maintain a lower altitude.

About Edibles

Cannabis is used around the world to transform well known dishes and snacks into totally new gourmet experiences. From gummy treats and cannabis laced candy, to pot pizza, flying lasagna, ice cream and cookies.

The term ‘edible’ is a slang term used among the cannabis community to denote ‘an edible cannabis product’. A small variety of ‘edibles’ are available at coffeeshops in the Netherlands, these include a standard slice of cake, or a muffin, usually in vanilla or chocolate flavors, and a variety of colors.

All ‘edibles’ in the Netherlands come with a label clearly indicating the amount of cannabis inside, which can range from 0.2 – 0.8 grams per item. The dose is calculated to produce effects which can last between two and four hours.

Please remember that edible cannabis is processed via your digestive system into the bloodstream, so what you ingested before and during the experience can have an effect. The experience is stronger on an empty stomach, and weaker after consuming foods high in sugar, which can be handy to remember if you want to return from orbit sooner.

The experience usually takes between 20 and 40 minutes to begin, compared with smoking which can be felt only a few seconds after inhaling. Take it easy.